Thread: Tickle With Me Joke Of The Day

Cuckoo Clock


One night, this guy is invited out for a night with the guys. He promised his live-in girlfriend that he would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down smooth, and before he knew it, it was 2:30 a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he headed for home.

Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, he realized that she'd probably wake up, so he was quite proud of himself when he thought to cuckoo nine more times. Even in his drunken haze, he fell asleep smiling about how he had escaped a possible conflict.

The next morning, his girlfriend asked him what time he got in, and he replied, "Twelve." She didn't seem disturbed at all, which made the guy feel even better.

She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, said "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

Haha, nice one

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

He: will you marry me?
She: Yes, dear
He: I must think about your proposal

Oh my dayz thanks for the laughs..
Here is one..

Read this carefully..
I am really serious this time.Please don't misunderstand me,but its
truth..


01 "The great friendship that I have for you
02 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
03 grows every day. When I see you,
04 I do not even like your face;
05 the one thing that I want to do is to
06 look for new friends. I never wanted to
07 be your forever friend. Our last conversation
08 was very boring and has not
09 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself
11 If we remain friend , I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure to be your friend forever. I have something called as good wishes
14 but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true friendship and love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your friend.
" So rude and bad..... However, "read only the odd numbered lines !
Please
read it again!...
... Have a nice day.

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist, so everyone will know what it looks like in here."

The next one says, "I want to be an olympic swimmer because I get so much practice in here."

Then the last baby says," I'm going to be a hunter, because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again I'm gonna chop that damned thing in half!"

:CrackedEgg

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years
and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had
a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed,
English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly
after, headlines in the English newspapers read: "English
archaeologists have found traces of 200-year-old copper wire
and have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years
earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Kerrymen," a southwest Irish
newsletter, reported the following: "After digging as deep
as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a
self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago,
Ireland had already gone wireless."

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.

"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.

"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

jabo, that one made me laugh

Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.

Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Sunny: "What's that?"

Tina: "A condom."

Sunny: "Where'd you get it?"

Tina: "You can get them at any chemist"

The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms.

The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Haha Jkadin Kepe them coming, I'm having a good laugh

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was Onestone. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?

You can't kill two birds with one stone!!

Wife: Honey the pipe in the bathroom has loosen please fix it...
Husband : What do you think of me, a plummer?

Wife: Honey the stairs are broken please fix it...
Husband: What do you think of me, a carpenter?

Wife: Honey the car won't start please fix it...
Husband: What do you think of me, a mechanic?

The husband go out to meet some friends....

Then a man passed by and saw the wife crying...

The man asked her why is she crying?

The wife said my husband won't fix the broken things in our house...

The man offered to help in exchange for something...

The wife agreed...

When the husband got home, he saw that the broken things were fixed, then he asked his wife...

Husband: Honey who fixed the broken things?
Wife: A man offered his help in exchange for baking him a cake or have sex with him...

Husband: So you you baked him a cake?
Wife: What do you think of me, a baker?

This is really a hilarious thread. I love to come here for an afternoon laugh Brovs.

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: <\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// Then enter:

<ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter <ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap. This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.